This time of year our social media is usually a wash with golden beaches, azure blue pools and half naked friends on holiday in locations around the world. While I adore sharing your moments and feeling your happiness I am a bit confused.
Okay so holiday's this year may look a bit different but still social media is a wash with your photos of staycations, trips and special times.
But I'm confused, why are you not actually on holiday. It’s a bit like business owners and employees who work in the business but don’t work on their business.
These holiday makers are in the holiday but they are not on the holiday.
I want to share why that’s not good for you, your happiness or your success.
Why you do it
And how to fix it.
Let’s start by looking at why you are probably shouting at me in scorn right now saying “You don’t get it, it’s not that easy to disappear for 2 weeks….”
I really get it, honestly. I hear this from new coaching clients all the time. If you care about your career/business you want to do all you can to look after it don’t you?
You don’t step fully away from business when you are on holiday because;
You fear something could go wrong and you won’t be there to fix it.
You fear something great could land on your desk while you are away and you won’t get the job/opportunity/contract/promotion because you weren’t there to answer it.
You fear you could be missing out on something.
You fear the people that are in the office won’t do what you would have done.
You fear someone else will get an awesome opportunity that you wanted!
You fear someone will get the praise for your work.
You fear what people will say about you not answering your email/phone/messages for 2 weeks.
You hate the idea of coming back to 700+ emails and it’s easier just to answer them before you hit the pool/beach/bar/slopes. Isn’t it?
The list is long and I’m sure I’ve not covered all the excuses I hear as to why it’s good to keep your phone on this holiday, however would you like some evidence to shock you into considering it before we crack on how to achieve and what kind of results you could get for your professional life with your phone turned off?
In a great book called The Decisive Moment, by Jonah Lehrer writes about 2 Israeli judges who were observed in their ratio of allowing parole for prisoners. If the judges missed their 2 allotted breaks that day the percentage that they would put forward for parole eventually dropped to 0%!
This is known as Decision fatigue and I personally see it happening to teams all the time (before we work together). This is a syndrome coined by social psychologist Dr. Roy F. Baumeister, based on the Freudian hypothesis of ego depletion* And if you look into this you will find that if decision fatigue is not handled well eventually you can’t even make basic decisions like what to have for dinner. (And if you don’t eat right that then also impacts on your ability to work well. Scary right? https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2019/05/13/how-to-identify-when-youre-experiencing-decision-fatigue/#484c73297fb4
If you want more proof, Researchers at Yale discovered that stress reduces the volume of grey matter in the areas of the brain responsible for self-control. So experiencing stress actually makes it more difficult to deal with future stress because it diminishes your ability to take control of the situation, manage your stress and keep things from getting out of control. And guess what working without a break causes? You guessed it, stress!
Okay, so Kuoni maybe have an invested interest in this study, however it still makes for fascinating reading that your health and even your ability to sleep can be impacted on by a good rest, a real rest, not a “I’m by the pool working” rest. https://www.kuoni.co.uk/holiday-health-experiment#
Great Mandie you’re guilt tripping me here and while I know this stuff, that doesn’t mean its’ achievable, business never sleeps right?
I get that, I really do, so between us we have a good idea why you don’t turn off completely and we also know why it’s imperative you do. What about if I shared how (and my clients) get to go on holiday, turn their phone off, get the holiday automated message on and have a guilt free fabulous holiday AND grow their business and gain new opportunities? Would that help?
As an example I’ve last year I had 73 holidays days away from my business (Disneyland annual passes, France, beaches, lakes, canoeing, swimming, hiking, chilling, long leisurely meals, reading for pleasure, star gazing - you name it - heavenly holidays!) I tell you this so you can see this is not a one off, this is a lifestyle and business model that is sustainable longterm.) And on every occasion the phone is off. I really am out of the office. On my return I have a piece of paper and pen next to me so that as I open messages, mail, email, texts etc I can log the opportunities and new business that came to me while I did nothing. On one occasion the list included;
Gained sales for networking and business growth events I host to the end of the year – I was not even promoting these yet!
Gained 1 speaking engagement.
Invited to assist with an event. Paid gig.
Gained sales in my side business Hemp oil and gained 2 new affiliates.
Gained 2 new enquiries to join The Business Womans Network coordinator team and 5 enquiries to attend events in the Autumn.
Gained an enquiry asking if I’d like to be an affiliate for a product aimed at coaches and professional speakers.
I was asked to supply previous printed articles for two large publications that would like to promote me and my books. Which lead to more book sales.
I gained 4 coaching enquiries – 1 turned into a client the same day the others did within 7 days.
How is that possible?
Here’s some ideas for you so you can enjoy that holiday 100% (guilt free.)
My retained coaching clients and team already know when I’m on holiday to the end of the year and are already aware of my developing Summer 2021 plans. Whenever I see a client, a connection, lead or opportunity I finish by ensuring that they know when they will have whatever it is I’ve promised them and when I’m not able to assist further. (I also will include an emergency number, usually my husbands number, not mine, so that they know its for genuine emergencies only.) If you are doing your very best for people then this is more than adequate. See below for what that is.
I too used to check my phone on holiday. It takes only a few minutes to jump online and check there is nothing to be worrying about, right? However if you know anything about flow it takes us on average 15 minutes to get back into the flow of what we doing (Just as good to remember for at work too, so turn off your phone, turn off your laptop sounds so you can concentrate and get more done!) This means that when on holiday you are constantly being propelled back into work mode, work thoughts, and automatic pathways, Here’s some examples for you;
Got a member of staff that is always negative? Then guess what you think when you see their name on an email? (And not’s positive thoughts, emotions and mindsets!)
Got a big contract coming up when you get back but left the office feeling confident, you’d got everything ready for your return?
Guess what? You are having that gorgeous meal, looking at that gorgeous view with your gorgeous loved ones and suddenly you are running through your working week!
I completely understand how this feels, and the additional ideas below will help you create a better way. But for now trust is key. Trust you have done all you can for everyone you work with, trust that on your return you will do an awesome job as you always do. And remember that great bosses, teams, customers and suppliers will respect you and trust that you will do your best for them – and they will say things like they do to me “Mandie we know how much you care about our success, go and enjoy your holiday and we look forward to working with you on your return. You deserve it”.
Working with the right people is good for business too – I only seem to attract driven passionate people who want to do their best for themselves and their teams and as such they care about me as their coach too – they pay on time, don’t get in touch late at night or at the weekend and really care that we have a win win relationship. If you find you are not convinced of this, ask yourself for what reason? That will help you create a plan of action to allay your fears and tackle theirs too.
If you want people to respect you and your life then you need to respect theirs too – don’t dump last minute jobs on people’s metaphorically desks. If you need something urgently then ask yourself “What is this persons preferred way of communicating?” Again this is also good for longterm success too.
Fire fighting - Fire fighting is not a long term solution to professional success and if you are constantly doing this then leaders aren’t leading, staff aren’t self sufficient, and adequately trained, boundaries aren’t in place and a clear vision, mission, goals, plans, actions and expectations are not being created. Create these and everyone feels safer at work, every day.
Getting rid of the fire fighter approach is not just good for stress free holidays it’s also good for sustainable business growth and happier, less stressed staff – and do you know what less stressed staff are great for? Creativity, productivity, better health, happier work environments and even higher profitability! A good reason to know your vision, mission, goals, plans, actions, expectations right?
If you want proof of this, one company I've worked with the leadership team and the 220+ strong team did not have a single days absence in lock down of 3 months. Not one. Their CEO reported to me that what had been put in place with me was leading to reduced stress, increased productivity and the fire fighting days were behind them, even in a pandemic!
If I am faced with a client that really can’t see a way to change from their current mode of thought and actions then I will quite often ask if they have children or people that they love working with (as we all do) and I will ask them this; “Would you want this for your son/daughter/colleague/boss/team?”
This invariably gets a “of course not!” to which then they have to admit “Ok so why is it good enough for you?”
If you work 24/7 and you are never allowed a day off or a life away from work ever again, what does that say to those around you who you are a role model for?
(And we all role models for someone). I hear antiquated dangerous and not good for success comments like “You can only be successful if you work 24/.”
Guess how much harder success is going to be with that mindset? Is that really inspiring you and spurring you or killing off your passion? And think about how that may impact on those around you and their own beliefs, scary right?
Whether it’s fact or fiction that Archimedes came up with his great principle of buoyancy in the bath or not the fact is that he was a great thinker and didn’t just do his thinking at a desk. If you’ve ever found your mind wandering and then noticed and pulled yourself back to reality you will know how freeing it can feel. What were you thinking about?
It doesn’t matter, because that down time enables your brain to keep working even when it feels like you aren’t! I remember a few years ago I was trolling along a beach in the South of France looking at shells and splashing in the waves and I suddenly had this thought “How can I help more people that don’t necessarily have the budget?” And I just left it and jumped in the sea. Only for me to emerge from the sea, legging it across the too hot sand back to my lounger thinking “How great would it be to have a confidential 24/7 mastermind group – we could create a bank of ideas and support that was accessible every day and behold The Insiders was born! It's my confidential mastermind group that is still only £5 GBP a month and is so packed with resources that people who joined when I launched it are still there 3 years on!
Is that magic? Of course it's not magic is it? I’d given my brain the space and permission to work on anything it fancied! True holiday’s can do that for you too.
For me my year doesn’t run from January to December, they run September to July. It all started years ago when I read about the English Rugby team who’d been performing horrifically until they worked with a life coach. The premise was that at half time, they’d come back out in a clean kit. Because it made them feel like the start of the game and that anything was possible.
This and other ideas they put together with their life coach (not sports coach) enabled them to become great again. I come back from holidays refreshed and buzzing with ideas. So August (I hadn’t missed it out accidentally!) Is my planning month. I review the previous 11 months and assess what I want to achieve by the end of the true year end (31st of December) and that then is a mini goal stage to my big goal for July.
Creating your own agenda ensures you stay motivated, focused and accountable to your goals. And August is a joyous month for me as I concentrate on my own growth, happiness and success. So ask yourself when do you create the time to work on yourself, your business and your career?
When did the holiday message not become an acceptable (I’m sorry I’m out of the office reply when did it become a success requirement that you would be attached to your professional life 24/7?
Seriously I’m intrigued. I was working with a team of 55 people and many lamented that email were a hell of their working life. It didn’t take long to discover that everyone had different beliefs on what should be answered as a priory, what could be ignored (reference only) and what was expected of everyone. Putting our thoughts together collectively they were able to create a far more powerful strategy to email and free up a lot of time in their working day. If you have a message that says I’m out of the office today in the event of an emergency, etc,etc then abide by it too. In this way you are helping to reduce the stress for those that you work with too. We can’t have a change in professional culture without the brave.
I love being connected to you and your lives and sharing in your special times, your tough days, trials and celebrations, however I also love not having a clue and then meeting up with you and hearing all about it. We are so used to knowing everything instantly we’ve forgotten the joy of being completely absorbed in our own worlds.
And if you are a highly sensitive person (I am, it’s nothing to be ashamed of if you handle it well it can actually be a blessing in business and life - it's been very powerful to my coaching success) then being connected all the time can be really damaging. Just like the news always being delivered is bad and drags us down, so too do other people’s struggles that we can’t fix. You have complete permission to disconnect. I think that is why I adore my caravan so much. To get into nature, away from people and disconnect makes me feel amazing. Try some JOMO and see how it feels. At first it may feel alien, but trust me it will feel good in the longterm!
And lastly I was in a conference call recently and of the 10 people in the call, I’m the only one that said “ I won’t be about between these dates. I’m away” Everyone else said things along the lines of “I’m away but I will be answering my emails.” Not one person was giving themselves a true break. And one even said “Wow, you’re brave!” I replied, “No, I’m organised”.
It’s no good just going on holiday and hoping it will all be good when you return. It’s all in the planning, communication, boundaries and goals that you guessed it I started planning last September! So if you are going away on Monday, you may find that you need to do an extra level of work this week to get even a third of this in place, but wow will it be worth it.
If you’ve never done this before start small. Get strict. If you say you are finishing work at 6pm, then don’t look at your phone again. If you say you are away this weekend. Don’t look at your phone. When I’m major busy and buzzed up at my clients success I can be tempted to live on my phone.
My go to actions are;
1. Give my phone to my hubby and tell him that under no circumstance is he to give it back.
2. Let my phone go flat – good for the planet too – just think how many hours of energy we could save!
3. Remind my teenagers that 2 hours before bedtime you should not use your phone and that they are to remind me that if I expect them to do something, I need to be a role model and do it too!
What go to actions do you need to get strict?
We care passionately about our customers, colleagues and those around us, however I’m often fascinated by the fact that rarely do people put themselves on the priority list too. Time to change?
The knock effect that will really help you change is that this way of going on holiday brings more order, less stress, better communication, better productivity and even more successful professional lives as a result. So worth investing some of that time before your next holiday right?
To learn more about my work head to my site - www.mandieholgate.co.uk Right now I've a free book on my site too.